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afternoonsnoozebutton:

Football Player Flaunts Sexual Orientation On Live Television (x)
AJ McCarron didn’t seem to care that television cameras were on him when he decided to flaunt his heterosexual relationship with Katherine Webb.


“All of a sudden they were making out,” said ESPN viewer Roger Jellyton. “I couldn’t believe my eyes, and my children were in the room. How was I supposed to explain what they were seeing? What, that it’s OK for two people who love each other to kiss in a moment of joy and celebration? Ugh. What is this nation coming to? Enough is enough.”

afternoonsnoozebutton:

Football Player Flaunts Sexual Orientation On Live Television (x)

AJ McCarron didn’t seem to care that television cameras were on him when he decided to flaunt his heterosexual relationship with Katherine Webb.

“All of a sudden they were making out,” said ESPN viewer Roger Jellyton. “I couldn’t believe my eyes, and my children were in the room. How was I supposed to explain what they were seeing? What, that it’s OK for two people who love each other to kiss in a moment of joy and celebration? Ugh. What is this nation coming to? Enough is enough.”

we-are-starting-at-the-end:

punk songs make you want to start a fucking riot or leave you crying on the floor there is no in between 

Stirring

October and November are my favorite months of the year. For the more obvious reasons (Halloween, my birthday, and just fall in general), but also for very deep, confusing reasons. It seems that everything significant that has happened to me in the past few years has happened in these two haunting months. And haunting they are, because every year, when fall rolls around, I am instantly hit with horrendous waves of nostalgia. Waves that I have tried to build walls to defend myself against, but like a raging tsunami, the memories are relentless. But they aren’t bad memories…. and that is the issue. these things flooding my brain are some of the best memories I can recall. And it stirs the demons inside me. As much as I know these are not associated with good things, or good people, it makes me wish I could go back and relive the things that have awakened me in this weather. The cold, confusingly warm, fuzzy feeling that seeps through my skin and somehow manages to penetrate the glue that holds me together, and I can feel my heart breaking all over again. It is agonizing. But also feels incredible. Who knew barriers could be broken so easily?

I crave a sense of significance.
Falling for Fall.

I love the infinite comfort I feel during these beautiful autumn days, like I am wrapped in a large blanket no matter where I go. I feel like a cozy teddy bear, and the air is the arms that curl around me, never letting go, always consoling even the worst of moods. It’s like a shot of fire whiskey, tingling warmth in me, resonating throughout my entire being. Shocking, yet magical. I am never more in love than I am in the fall.

i feel empty inside, like i had it, and now it’s been taken away from me. and now I have nothing.
I can’t seem to shake the heaviness in my heart.
Me.
I’ve come a long way in 3 years.

"sometimes i look back on the things I’ve done in my life and i wonder how the hell i thought that they were okay. and how much i wish i could go back and change the way i am. There are alot of things about myself that i don’t like, however, everytime i go to change them its like trying to erase a mountain. it’s not easy. and i give up. I hate being alone. and i often put myself into really bad situations because of it. Now, i don’t necessarily regret anything, i just wish i had done alot of things differently. ANd now i’m stuck dealing with alot of things i dont want to deal with. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. Yeah, i have an amazing boyfriend who thinks I’m amazing, but how long will that last before he starts treating me like a piece of shit? or until we start constantly fighting about stupid things? I thought i had a best friend, but then she started to get jealous of the guys i was seeing, wanting me for herself only. when she started to try to control me and tell me what to do, things had to change. now. here i am. sitting at a starbucks, running on four hours, waiting for my boyfriend to get out of work. fighting with my best friend. thinking about all the things i could have done diffrerently. This is going to get me nowhere. I need to get my act together. I need to stop worrying about other people. I need to get a fucking job. Catch up in school. save money, the works. I have 7 months before I’m on my own. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP A STRAIGHT HEAD? I’m stressed as fuck. none of this probably makes sense. and I dont expect anyone to have advice for me. But i really wish i could just have a break from it all. That’s why i want to get away so badly. That’s why i have such a bad history of running away and stuff. I just need a night to get away from it all. ANd now its no longer a problem of "running away", but it still feels like I did something wrong after the fact. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I should be locked away somewhere, where i can hurt myself. I have issues."

How much has changed? How much do I regret thins still? How much do I wish I could go back to this night and appreciate it for how perfect it was?

i feel like this is me every day. I wake up so exhausted, then put on my happy-go-lucky face for the day, then as soon as I am home, it’s back to my tired of the world demeanor.

i feel like this is me every day. I wake up so exhausted, then put on my happy-go-lucky face for the day, then as soon as I am home, it’s back to my tired of the world demeanor.

so serene and peaceful.

so serene and peaceful.

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin.

Molasses.

There comes a time in every person’s life where it seems that everything has come to a stand still. For me, it is agonizing. I feel like I am swimming in molasses, getting nowhere even though I constantly push forward with everything I have. It’s no wonder I wake up every day more exhausted than the last. The past few years of my life have taken a lot out of me. I have come face to face and fallen in love with my demons. I have been close to the point of drowning and rescued by the least likely person. I have lost many friends, who now lie in the depths of the cold world that stole them away. I have lost an unborn child, found out a dark secret about my family, and I have been awakened. By what, I’m not yet sure of.  

I spend my days locked in a routine that I have designed so that I am too busy to concentrate on these hardships that I have archived somewhere in my vast mind. Instead of coping with the things that haunt me, I keep them from surfacing all the way, and keep plastering this smile on my face, hoping that one day the inside of me will match the outside. I can’t help the pressure or the pain inside my chest, and everytime I feel it, I try to shoo it away. But I can’t do it anymore. It’s become so excruciating, so relentless, I feel as if I let this continue, it will be the death of me.

Through my self exploration, and self discovery, I have realized that I am a very different person than I thought I was. However, in some ways, I am still the same. I find that I am a very honest, forgiving person now. I always feel as thought I should do the right thing. It is a huge step from the conniving, heartless, broken teenage girl I used to be. I am more peaceful now. I stand up for others, and help them even when I know there will be nothing in it for me. But in that way, I am self destructive. The focus that I place on every other person besides myself has taken a toll on my heart, and my mind. I have gone for too many years trying to shut everyone out, including myself. How can I climb out of this abyss? How will I be able to escape the molasses pulling me down deeper and deeper? I fear the longer I keep denying my distress, the less time I will have to escape. And that scares me more than anything.